Pharrell's 'Pacifist' Bullet-proof Vest

This guy has too much time on his hands. And too much money.

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Above is a piece from the Pharrell Williams x Moncler collection. I'll let highsnobiety.com tell it...

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"After just announcing their partnership with Japanese brand Visvim for a line called Moncler V, the classic outerwear label now brings news of a collection by Grammy-winning musician Pharrell Williams. The collection features an assortment of all-black jackets, and includes a “pacifist” version of the bulletproof jacket (pictured) with Velcro-ed side slits, reversible matte/shiny down vests and elongated puffers. Each jacket is built with textiles from Bionic Yarn, a Pharrell controlled company that produces fabric from recycled plastic bottles. Furthermore, printed linings feature images of lush forests, shot at dusk by Japanese artist Keita Sugiura. Prices and distribution details are yet to be finalized".

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All very good, but I can't see too many people wearing this for a few beers down at the Dog & Duck on a Thursday night...

We deserve better...

Liverpool 1 Lyon 2

Injuries are undermining our season, yes, but it goes deeper than that.

The Fight That Killed Oasis

A brief synopsis of the row in France that ended it all:

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Liam was playing guitar backstage.

Noel criticised Liam's playing.

Liam threw his own guitar at Noel.

The guitar landed at Noel's feet.

Noel jumped up and down on it, laughing.

Liam realised he'd just smashed his own guitar.

Liam grabbed Noel's guitars and smashed them up.

Noel stopped laughing, Liam started.

Noel said 'fuck this' and got in a cab.

End of Oasis.

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Go to nme.com for the full 'story'.

Pharrell's New Hoodie - Worth More Than Your Car

Oh dear.

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Pharrell has bought himself a new grey hooded jacket. Not just any hooded jacket though... this is made by Hermes of Paris, and is made from Crocodile skin.

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Pharrell has got form for spending silly money with Hermes on one-off bags, but this is different. Not only is it ugly, but when those French chaps make clothes with Crocodile, the price tag becomes astronomical. Conservative estimates suggest this could have cost him $18,000. Not so conservative estimates say it could have been as much as $75,000.

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On his Japanese 'honeyee mag' blog mini-site he posted the above picture with the caption "Couldn't resist". Makes you sick doesn't it?

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...

I'm sad to say that this was spotted on the streets of London. A chrome Lamborghini Murcielago Roadster. Click for a close up.

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I wonder if the owner sticks his head out of the window shouting "Look at me! Look at me!" at passers by? If you must, go to Luxist to read more about this £250,000 abomination.

Footballers - Disgusting

Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Shameful. He's not been at Barca for two minutes and he's kissing the badge.

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He's Swedish. How has he got this sudden 'love' for Barcelona? This kind of thing is a feeble attempt to ingratiate yourself with your new clubs support, but if I was a Barca fan (a proper one, rather than the admirer that I am), I'd be furious.

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Although, I suppose I'd love my employers if they paid me £150,000 per week.

I don't care who makes them...

I'll admit that I'm a sucker for a designer label, but these could have been made by Jesus and I wouldn't go near them wearing an Anti-Swine Flu suit and holding a massive barge pole.

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Available now at colette in Paris (and at their online store shop), these Martin Margiela one-lense sunglasses will set you back £350 quid. A small price to pay if your aim in life is to look like Doc Brown when he comes back from the future in his flying Delorean at the end of Back To The Future 1.

No words...

Ex-Liverpool Striker Michael Owen signs for arch enemies Manchester United The Scum.

Magazines - Praise & Hate

After Arena and Buck effectively shut down earlier this year in their existing formats, a new magazine actually launched this month (making it two in as many months, after Wired launched in April). An off shoot from ex-Liverpool Centre Half Phil Babb's moderately successful Golf Punk publication, Football Punk will be available monthly. Steven Gerrard covers the first proper edition of the magazine (the above was a one-off given away with Golf Punk) and costs only 2 quid to begin with. Get stuck in, it's a good read. Which is more than I can say for this...

Click the image for a close-up of this abject fuckery. Nice bracelet tough guy. Now go and make a song about how shiny it is and how much it cost... and this is a Hip Hop music magazine?!? Jesus... although I'm a supporter of the music culture, the writing is clearly on the wall.

James Corden to cover New Order?

James Corden is rumoured to be recording a cover of the best football song ever, New Order's 'World In Motion'. This is sacrilege. Only the inclusion of John Barnes to recreate his 'rap' could appease me. But not fully.
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Plus, Corden's star has well and truly fallen of late. He's about as funny as cancer when he hasn't got Ruth Jones to write jokes for him.

The fuckery stars have aligned...

...and come up with Jade: The Musical. Seriously. No, really.

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As if that isn't horrific enough (although it would be interesting to see how they go about airbrushing her 'right-wing racist' period out), we'll have to endure a fucking TV 'talent' contest to find a new star to play the lead role. Who would the expert judge be? The Geordie voice from Big Brother? Her twatty husband? I could ramble on here about how incredibly pointless/sick/wrong/exploitative/hypocritical/etc this is, but I wont. Because I'll only live to be 80 (if I don't hang myself from depression after this news), and I've already wasted 4 minutes of my life writing a post.

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By the way... No matter what else happens this year, this wins my 2009 Abject Fuckery Award.

'Only in America' Part 4761

A woman dialled emergency number 911 three times in Florida last week because shit-in-a-box peddlers McDonalds had run out of Chicken Nuggets. Honestly.

Click HERE for more and to hear this stupid cow calling the police and complaining that she was "being forced to eat something else".

OK! Magazine take bad taste to new levels

This has been out for days now. I saw it in a supermarket yesterday and thought I was dreaming. Now, I don't have strong feelings either way about Jade, but this gave me the hump.

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In Loving Memory? Final Words? She's not fucking dead yet!

Wishing her away so you can sell more copies are you?

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UPDATE, 22 March 2009: Okay, the poor girl died today, mothers day, leaving two young sons. I bet the publishers at OK! are rubbing their hands together. Scumbags.

High Fashion Fuckery - Chanel's plastic, transparant briefcase

Jesus.

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It's made of perspex. It's see through. Thanks to the great minds at Chanel you can now advertise the entire contents of your bag to everybody you randomly walk passed on the way to the tube station; from muggers (iPhone, Wallet) to prospective partners (Pornography, Canestan).

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Seriously, you couldn't make this shit up.

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Got to artschoolvets for more.

Chris Brown's handywork...

The before and after. Chris Brown is done.

Jay to Chris - "You messed with the wrong crew"

^ "Stop it! Stop! He didn't mean it!"

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Former sub-machine gun toting ("I showed you your first Tec on tour with Large Professor") crack-dealer and convicted knife-attacker Jay-Z, has apparently threatened R&B pop-tart Chris Brown for allegedly beating his girlfriend, the Jigga-mentored, ella-ella-ella singing, R&B pop-tart Rihanna at a pre-Grammy's party.

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Now, if Jay would have threatened my safety in '88, I'd have gone on the lam. For a decade. But in 2009, Hova's threats don't hold much sway. He's Bill Gates's buddy. He hangs out with Chris, Gwyn, Apple and Oyster Card (or whatever their latest kid is called). He wins United Nations humanitarian awards for chrissakes! If he farts, it's in the news. So what is he going to do to me, knowing that it's now fully in the public realm? If I was Chris Brown, I'd be thinking... does S-dot want to slap fire out of me THAT MUCH that he'll risk a huge lawsuit and have to go into his pockets for 7 figures? The definitive answer is this: No. He doesn't.

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UPDATE: Rihanna's grandma says she's 'fine'. Phew.

'Calogero' cleared of Murder, but guilty of throwing life away

I know, I know... I'm a month or so late. However, I felt the need to draft a brief post about the abject fuckery that Lillo Brancato Jr's life has become.

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He had, arguably, the lead role in 'A Bronx Tale' ahead of his co-stars Robert De Niro and Chaz Palminteri. After that, he worked like most actors do... from time to time. Then, after a few years, he hit the semi-big time again, with a prominent role in Season Series 2 of HBO's The Sopranos (these 'Italian'-American dudes get typecast worse than any other ethnic group, but that's by the by).

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So how did this promising young actor go from this, to being on trial for murdering an off-duty NYPD officer who disrupted a burglary he was conducting with his pal, a gun-toting degenerate smackhead? Drugas... because he was baghead too, and he wanted to rob someones telly so he could buy some more brown. In the end, he was acquitted of 2nd Degree murder (his partner in crime wasn't so lucky, having pulled the trigger), but found guilty of attempted burglary. His lawyer thought 3 years was a realistic sentence, and he'd already served 2 awaiting trial. But a policeman had died... and so he was sentenced to 10 years.

Another promising life ruined... choose your friends wisely.

Pigeon Smuggling Berk

An Australian man (shocker) was caught by officials at Melbourne Airport trying to smuggle two bog-standard pigeons into the country from Dubai. They are not valuable birds, they are not endangered.

Rather than putting them in his hand-luggage, he put them down his trousers, wrapped in paper and held in place by a pair of tights. Well, of course.

The icing on the cake... he could face 10 years in prison for his troubles.

The cherry on top of the cake... he also smuggled an "undeclared aubergine".

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COMEDY GENIUS.

Wu-Tang Clan - Earrings?

Oh dear.

According to hypebeast, "the legendary Wu-Tang Clan hook up with the popular jeweler Gabriel Urist on a pair of clean and subtle earrings".

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Nah... you can't sell these. Who is buying them... in your business plan, what is the target market here? Oh you have an idea on how to sell them by the bucketload? Tell me, what's the clincher...?

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"they come with a special red box".

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In that case, I'll take three pairs...

Joaquin Phoenix - NOT a rapper. I hope.

^ Love the barnet Joey.

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So... there is a chance that the "Joaquin Phoenix wants to be a rap star" story is bollocks. I thought it sounded like a comedy flick when I first heard the details. The proposed involvement of Hip Hop jester Puffy was a big clue I suppose. Hollywood Insider think this is some kind of hoax, and will eventually be a 'funny' film.

I'll be the judge.